Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy Mothers Day

     I really was excited to go to Women's Conference. After all, I have only had three days away in all of my motherhood career of 15 years as stated and those were even taken on three separate voyages. I felt I deserved a little break. I was excited about returning to my old stomping grounds, my college campus that I have not set foot on since I left it in 1991. I was even going to stay in the dorms with my old college roomie. I busily prepared meals, finished the laundry, had all lists and chores finished. My plane landed and we arrived on campus. We walked into the dorms and I had a sick feeling come over me. I was suppose to be excited, I was suppose to feel a bit of freedom and enjoy the walk down memory lane. But, the minute I walked into that dorm which mind you have not changed one bit, my stomach turned. I had had a dream about a year ago that my Dad was taking me to college. I was 18 again but I knew that I really was 36. I had five kids. My Dad told me that I was wrong. I was 18. I was going to college. He dropped me off. I cried. No one believed me . I had to start over. I had to be 18 again, looking for a husband,waiting for kids. It was a horrible dream. The minute I stepped onto that campus again, I felt that dream. I felt total loneliness even though I was surrounded by women. In that very moment, the moment I should have been rejoicing in to have some peace and freedom, I felt for absolute surety that being a mother was what I was born to do. It was the only thing I wanted. Even accounting all the horrible days that I wanted to leave and not return, I wanted nothing else. I wanted to cuddle my children. I had only been gone a few hours and I missed them terribly. 

I love being a mother. They wear me out from head to toe on a daily basis but I love them to pieces. Thank you for making me a mother my little angels. Thank you for allowing me all the opportunities to be better, stronger and more charitable than I ever thought I could be. Thank you for forgiving me for all of the times that I wasn't. Thank you for teaching me on a daily basis how far love can go and that through the hard times we become stronger and closer. It is a hard job. No doubt about it. However, there isn't a better job on the planet. The pay is horrible but the hugs and kisses make it all worth it. 

Happy Mother's Day to you all. I hope you all get spoiled. A special "Thank You" to my own wonderful mother who taught it all to me and still is. She is the perfect role model. I love you.  

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