Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A little Selfishness....Resolution #3.

This resolution is a tough one for me and I am sure I am not alone. It seems that I flip flop on this each year. But, this week I have been a little grumpy. I have been trying to hide it but probably not too well. I couldn't really pin point why, everything is pretty hunky dory in my life but then it hit me. This happens to me when I miss myself. I am really missing myself right now. You know that feeling, I am sure of it.

I have that inner struggle all the time about being selfish. I had a mother that never took me time so in my mind, me time is selfish. I love being a mother and taking care of a family. I enjoy helping others but sometime, being selfish is important. If we can't fill our tanks now and then, we run empty. I think I am feeling empty. 

Another big reason I need to be a little more selfish this year is because this is the year of the big 40. To say I am unhappy about that is an understatement. I don't know how I got here and to be honest, I never, ever thought of life after 40. I never pictured myself getting older. Getting older means my kids get older and leave, my body looks older and I become the "older" crowd. 40 seemed ancient when I was a teen. I don't feel ancient. I just can't wrap my head around this age. I have realized this last year that I absolutely need to take better care of myself. I haven't had my youthful bounce this last year. I look tired and I feel tired. I haven't done much to deserve otherwise. I do still have lots of life to live. I want to feel youthful and playful. I want to kick 40 in the behind and feel better than I have this last year of my 30's. I know this can only be done if I start being a little selfish. Take tonight for instance. I had my new yoga mat already. I was looking forward to going to yoga all day. Christmas break has been great but to be honest, I needed the quiet meditation tonight without someone saying "mom!" for just a few minutes. Mom is seeming like a swear word right now. Tate has been a bit high maintenance this break. I want to bite something. 

Well, yoga didn't happen. I had told the little boys we would hit the dollar store after Tate's therapy today. They had a couple dollars to burn and wanted to buy something real special. We came home and Tate wanted to ride his bike. He needed to be outside so I obliged. I sort of hoped they would forget about the dollar store. They didn't. At 5 o'clock, we were in the car for the dollar store. By the time we came home, they needed food. By the time that ended, it was 6:30. Dang. There it went. I was mad at myself. I should have planned better. I owed that to myself. I need to make sure my time really happens. Instead, I am still a little grumpy and the yoga mat is still in its original packaging.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am starting my new workout regime and selfish me time! Just a little. I am sure a very little. Me time has to happen before  5 am and after 10 pm. I ordered the New Brazilian Butt Lift workout promising me a fabulous behind in 60 days. There are some new classes at the gym. I am going to be a new woman. My 20th anniversary is in a couple months. Wouldn't he be so lucky to have that 60 bucks payoff. I told him he couldn't look until then. 

I know all of us need to give ourselves a little quiet time now and then. It is a balancing game and some take it way too far on either side. I am not one for girls nights out every week and shopping trips but I know I will be a far better and happier wife and mother if I can just think without being interrupted and feel a little better in my own skin. I miss myself. 

Hope you all can do a little of the same. 


kami said...

This is my goal this year too. Since becoming a mom almost four years ago, I have not taken any "me" time and as a result, I am now - three kids later - running on very empty. I am suffering from a really severe bout of depression (dealt with it my whole life) and finally began some counseling for it (I already feel better). One of the things she pointed out to me was that I cannot keep pouring out of my cup all day every day when my cup is empty. I have to find ways to refill my cup. I have lost myself a bit in motherhood - my mother didn't take "me" time either - and as a result, it hasn't come naturally to do so. But it is the opposite of selfish - it is actually something we must do to keep our families and ourselves happy. So I am making time to go running (got an ipod nano to help!) and I am going to find some "me" time every chance I get so I don't get into this funk again. It's so nice to know I'm not alone :) Unfortunately it seems like this will be a battle I'll have to fight my whole life as a mother since you're far ahead of me and still finding the need for "you" time. Sending lots of love and encouragement your way!

Happy Hopper Preschool said...

You are not alone I feel the same way. I always feel that if I don't put my children first then I'm a bad mom. Every time I drive to work I feel guilty because I'm not with them or that I didn't spend enough time with them that day.Sometimes I stay up late cleaning so I can give my children more attention.I go days without doing anything for me because all my time I try and give give to my family.I'm going to take your advice and give me some selfish time so maybe then I will feel better about myself and my girls can see that it's ok to take time for you and still be a good and loving mom.

Tara Emelity said...

I think all mothers are wonderful-at least I think the world of mine & am so blessed to have such wonderful examples in my life of women & mothers. With someone's comment about not being able to pour out of the cup when it is empty...as a single lady sometimes I feel my cup overfloweth with "me" time and often wish that I had a husband to love & take care of. I have even thought of being a surrogate for someone so I would have something to take care of & nurture {okay maybe not seriously} but I have thought about it. It is important to find balance in all things, and to not be afraid to ask for, or even offer help every once in a while. Shari, if you need a break, give me a call or message me. :) Happy New Year! Make sure all you mother lovers find some "me" time.

Shari Goodman said...

I remember being single also or before I had kids and desperately wanting to be unselfish for sure! Like I said, there is a balance that we all crave and for the most part, I would rather lean towards everyone else for sure. We are happier that way. But, now and then, we need to tip the scale towards ourselves. May this year bring great things to you , Tara and Kami....keep working on your "me" time! You are an amazing mother and have gone way above and beyond this year for your kids. KIm...I don't know where in the world you are going to find "me" time with your schedule but if you don't , you are going to crack. Join me anytime!

RPH said...

Well said, my friend. I love this post. And the Brazillian Butt Lift? HAHA! Be sure and report!

Kelli Brown said...

Shari - We missed you and Mike tonight at Culinary Dropout. The food was great and the company even better, but it would have been the best to have you guys there too. Linda Lou was telling me about your recent blog posts on me time and Brazilian Butt Lift and how those posts have really hit home with her, so I decided to check in tonight after we got home.

I am sooooo in agreement that we need to take a little time for ourselves to feel good and strong and healthy and alive. I got a little burnt out on 2 weeks straight of kid-fest, even though I loved being with my beautiful kiddos. It was just that the scales were out of balance.

I am such a believer in early morning fitness, as you know. Some days it is so dang hard to get up at the crack of dawn while everyone else is asleep, but it has done wonders for my life the past several years. I am healthier and happier than ever because of it. After spending 8 straight years having babies and getting fat four times and never really losing all the baby weight and never making time to exercise, my world needed to change. The consistent early morning workouts have been the secret for sure. And for me, there is just no other way to fit the me time in unless it's before waking hours. So glad you ordered the DVD's. You will love the Brazilian Butt Lift. It is seriously a fantastic workout and the results are great. Skip the intro segment and go straight to the Bum Bum.

Love ya! See you tomorrow.

Shari Goodman said...

You are certainly and inspiration in the work out department, Kelli! It is so easy to get off a schedule but I totally agree...I am always happier when I am on my am workout schedule. I am just a few days on but I am feeling soooo much better! Sore...but better!